sticky situation
by xporcelain
Summary: "That's it! This is the last straw!" Lucy plans on getting rid of Gray's stripping habit, once and for all.


**title: **sticky situation  
><strong>summary: <strong>"That's it! This is the last straw!" Lucy plans on getting rid of Gray's stripping habit, once and for all.  
><strong>disclaimer: <strong>Fairy Tail © Hiro Mashima

**dedication: **to harassing your friends, coz you can, and never being to old for a sleepover. never.  
><strong>notes: <strong>shut up. it could happen. you can't tell me no one's ever tried to make Gray stop his stripping habit. personally, i don't mind, CAUSE THAT'S ONE HOT PIECE OF MAN, but for some reason the other members of Fairy Tail don't see it my way. tch.  
><strong>notes2:<strong> i question Lucy's sanity.

* * *

><p><strong>s t i c k y <em>— <em>_  
><em>**s i t u a t i o n

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><p><strong>:<strong>

**:**

''That's it! This is the last straw!''

''What are you talking about?'' Natsu asked, dumbfounded. He was standing at the request board with Happy, trying to find a job for him and his nakama, when his blonde haired teamate showed up, fuming and cursing.

''Gray!'' Lucy spat, eyes narrowing, ''His stripping habits! I knew they were bad, but _this_- it's ridiculous!'' She then proceeded to jump into a story that Natsu only half listened to.

''He helped me move some furniture in the apartment, right? So I thought, to repay him, I'd take him out to eat. Y'know, the restaurant around the corner that I _love_? So, we're in there, and everythings going fine. But, I guess he has a past with the chef's daughter or something, cause she poured a bottle of tobasco sauce into his milkshake- that's what the idiot says, anyways. But, he started freaking out, and actually _jumped on the table_. And guess what? He had no clothes on. None! So, the owner comes out and starts freaking. Gray didn't listen to him, convinced he _had_ clothes on. Meanwhile, the whole restaurant is going insane at the ''nudist!'' Eventually, I convinced Gray to look _down_ and know what he does? Screams! No, _shrieks_, then runs out of the place- still naked! Then, I get kicked from the place! Banned! I didn't even do anything, Natsu!'' Lucy panted, out of breath from her outburst.

Natsu, who had stopped listening halfway through, was still staring at the board. The only one who had listened was Happy, who only heard one thing.

''You took Gray out for dinner? You _liiiiike_ h-''

''HYAH!'' Lucy brought her hand down in a chopping motion, smashing it off the top of the blue exceeds head and sending him flying to the floor, where he left a dent.

''You're both useless,'' She growled, stomping away from the pair. Meanwhile, Natsu had finally found a job.

''Hey Luce, how 'bout- HAPPY WHAT HAPPENED!''

**.**

**.**

"... and I just don't know what to do," Lucy groaned, resting her forehead on the heel of her palm. From behind the bar, Mirajane nodded, absently cleaning a cup. "I mean, how long has he been... stripping?"

Placing the cup down, Mira stared off, brow slightly furrowed. "I don't know, since before he joined the guild, I think."

Lucy felt her heart drop. "So I'm dealing with a life long habit, here?"

Smiling, Mira nodded, beginning to wipe the bar counter.

Lucy sighed, shifting to rest her chin on palms. "I guess there's only one thing I can do, then..."

Pausing in her work, the bartender raised a brow. "Oh?"

A devious glint took over Lucy's eyes as she said, "Magic."

"Ah," Mira nodded, finishing with the counter. Thoughtfully, she placed a finger on her chin, thinking. "Isn't there a magic shop on the other side of town? It would probably have what you're looking for. But, you should watch out, when Juvia went there, she got-"

The Celestial Mage was off the stool and out of the guild before the white haired woman even finished her sentence.

**.**

**.**

"Are you sure this will work?" Lucy asked warily, eyeing the jar in her hands. She'd made it to the store, which was run by a creepy looking shopkeeper with far to much facial hair. When she'd explained her situation, he'd given her a 'Magical Jar of Glue.'

"It doesn't look very magical. Infact, it looks like normal glue..." Just as she was about to peel off the lable, which plainly said _Magic Glue_, the shopkeeper slapped her hand.

"Don't mess with the merchandise!"

"Sorry..." She mumbled, placing it back on the counter. _Should I really get it? I mean, it's 50, 000 jewel... Wait, what am I thinking? This is important!_ Eyes set with determination, she placed the money on the counter, grabbed the jar and stalked out of the building.

It was then she realized she had no clue where Gray lived.

**.**

**.**

One quick stop to the guild and an odd look from Mirajane later, Lucy was standing infront of a tall apartment building. And she felt like crying. Mira had said the top floor, hadn't she? With a huff, the blonde entered the building, and began the long treck up the stairs. By time she got to the top floor, her legs felt like jelly, and she was sure she was going to collapse.

Wobbling to the door that had _1011_ engraved on the front, she turned the handle and sighed with relief when the door opened. _Leave it to Gray not to lock his door... _

Taking a step inside the room, she stifled a yelp. "It's freezing in here!" She hissed, feeling against the wall for a light switch. When the light was on, she could take in the room; dark blue walls, plywood floors, a kitchen area, bed in the corner, couch, a dresser, and a door which she assumed headed to the bathroom. All in all, it was pretty dull.

Heading for the other door, she swung it open, entering the bathroom and flipping the switch on again. This time, she had to blink against the light. The room was almost blinding. The floor, walls, ceiling, and shower tiles were all a bright, clean white. "Has he ever even used this thing?" She muttered, walking up to the shower. Placing her jar down, she reached up and unscrewed the shower head. Screwing the lid off the jar with her free hand, a mischievous grin crossed her face.

_Gray, you should've just kept your pants on._

**_._**

**_._**

Back at the guild, Lucy scanned the room, smiling when she spotted a flash of blue hair.

"Hey, Levy!" She called, skipping over to where the Solid Script mage was seated. Levy looked over, smiling brightly.

"Hey, Lu-chan! You look like you're in a good mood."

"Oh, I am," Lucy giggled, nodding and sliding on the bench next to the girl. Levy smiled, confused, and decided she really didn't wanna know.

The two made small talk for a bit, mostly about Lucy's book- "You're behind schedule, Lu-chan!" -before Lucy asked the question she was really wondering.

"So, Levy," She began, absently tracing pictures on the table, "Doing anything tonight?"

Levy pursed her lips, staring off for a moment, before looking back and smiling. With a shake of her head, she answered, "Nope. Why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to have a sleepover..."

The blunette's eyes instantly brightened. "Of course! I just need to go home and get some stuff-"

"Actually," Lucy cut her off, "I was wondering if we could have it in your dorm? If we're at my house, I'm almost positive Natsu or Gray will be there."

Levy slowly nodded. "Ah, I see. Well, my room is completely cluttered with books, but..."

"We can play trivia or something, with them all," Lucy grinned, happy to let her nerdier side out. As she and Levy began to plan, she let her smile get slightly- _slightly_ -evil. Little did her elf like friend know, neither Gray or Natsu would be at her house that night, what with the locked door and windows.

**.**

**.**

The next day, sitting at the guild's bar, sipping on a strawberry milkshake, Lucy was content.

Her sleepover with Levy had been everything she'd expected it to be: blissfully geeky. They'd acted out chapters from their favorite stories, had contests with their Gale-Force Reading Glasses to see who could finish books first, and went through a lifetime supply of ice cream.

Natsu had already complained to her about not being able to get into her house the night before, and had looked absolutely appalled when Lucy suggested that he sleep at his own house. Now, all she was waiting on was a certain ice mage.

Conveniently, she knew Gray's schedule. He had a shower every night- in _her_ shower. But, if he couldn't get into her house, it only made sense that he went to his own apartment, right? And, as soon as the water was turned on...

Lucy began to cackle, but quickly stopped after she felt stares on the back of her head. Humming innocently, she took another sip of her milkshake.

Suddenly, she heard the guild doors slam against the wall, and barely stifled a grin. _Why do I think I know who that is... _Still innocently sipping on her drink, she heard heavy footsteps approach. Somewhere down the bar, Cana's voice rang out.

"Gray, clothes!"

"_I know_!"

Lucy felt like some shoved her off the stool. Or punched her in the gut. Or melted her keys. Or _something_ dramatic like that. Eyes widening, she spun on her chair, gaping when she saw Gray there.

With, save for his boxers, no clothes.

"Wha- where are your-" She spluttered, making random hand motions. Gray, oblivious to why she was so surprised, huffed.

"When I had a shower, this sticky shit came out. I couldn't even wash it off, because my apartment had no _clean_ running water. If I put clothes on, they'd stick. But, obviously I wasn't going to leave completely n- _yeah_, so I sacrificed these," He gestured towards his boxers.

While everyone else was nodding, Lucy was still spluttering. Slowly, her face began to turn a bright red, fists clenching at her sides. Gray, noticing the change, raised an eyebrow at her.

"Lucy, what's-"

"_You're still not wearing clothes!_" She exploded, jumping off the stool and stomping over. Standing infront of him, she noticed for the first time that his hair stuck together in odd clumps, and his skin looked... gross.

Gray blinked. "Yeah. I already said why. I'd have to be an idiot to get my clothes stuck to me."

"B-but... you _are_ an idiot!" The blonde wailed.

"_Hey_-"

"No! I'm not done!" Lucy snapped, "You better watch out, got it?"

A look of pure confusion crossed Gray's face. "What're you talking about-"

"_Watch. Out._" The Celestial mage repeated, dark look shadowing her face as she dramatically made her exit.

Gray watched her leave, a mix of shock, confusion and wariness on his face.

**.**

**.**

Two days later, at approximately 10:00 PM, Lucy watched Gray exit the guild. She silently followed him, clad in a black jump suit, boots, and mask, with a bag slung over her shoulder.

The street was eerily empty, she and Gray the only one's on it. Which would conveniently make it alot easier.

Seeing him near the alleyway, she readied herself, eyes narrowing beneath the mask. She began to run towards him, un-slinging the bag from her shoulder. As she neared, Gray finally sensed some was up and turned around, his eyes widening.

"Aw, _shi_-"

With a grunt, she swung her bag at him, successfully smashing it to the side of his head.

Gray fell to the ground with a thud, and Lucy grinned.

"Hah! That's the power of books! Take that you exhibitionist!"

Lucy patted the bag, which was filled with books that Lucy had borrowed from Levy. Sure, maybe she hadn't used them for their intended purpose... but what the blue haired bookworm didn't know wouldn't hurt her, right?

Grabbing Gray's arms, she dragged him into the alley, dropping the bag because holy shit that thing was heavy. Kneeling down, she opened the bag, reaching in and shifting through the books until she found what she was looking for. It gleamed almost angelically in the light that came from the alley opening.

A roll of duct tape.

Cue evil cackle.

But, just as she began to yank a piece of tape off, she realized something: there couldn't be any light coming from the street, they were to far in. Slowly, she looked up, a look of pure horror crossing her face.

Infront of her stood Levy, holding a flashlight, with Jet and Droy passed out behind her.

For a second, the two stared at eachother. And then...

"Lu-chan, why are you raping Gray?"

Lucy's heart dropped, the question not fully sinking in. "H-how did you know it was me?" She squeaked. Her outfit covered everything but her eyes! (And made her look mysteriously sexy- but that was besides the point.)

Bluntly, Levy pointed to her chest. "Your- uh- _rack,_ makes you pretty recognizable."

The blonde felt her face heating under the mask. Was her chest really that bad? She remembered the one client attempting to talk her into a chest reduction, but...

"So, anyways, again, why're you... raping... Gray? Jet and Droy fainted when they saw it," She nodded her head towards unconscious duo, "I mean, I know you always carried a whip around with you, but I didn't think you were into..." The blunette grinned awkwardly.

Lucy shrieked. "I'm not _rap_- _ra_- I can't even say it! _Ohmi_- No! Do you have any idea what Juvia would do to me?"

Levy laughed, "M'kay. I'm just gonna go now." As she turned to walk away, and Lucy couldn't help but think how odd it was that her friend let it go so easily. Then remembered something.

"What about Jet and Droy?"

"Oh, they'll be fine!"

Clearing her throat, Lucy turned back to the ice mage, once again unrolling some tape, and felt a grin re-stretch onto her face.

**.**

**.**

The next day at the guild, Lucy walked in to see Gray, lump on the side of his head, and painful looking red marks around his neck, elbows, waist, and ankles- everywhere she'd attempted to tape his clothes to his body.

How could she see all of this?

Because, once again, _he wasn't wearing any clothes_. _None_. Cana was soon hollering at him for it, but it didn't help Lucy's mood.

She barely stifled a cry of frustration. Slowly, she walked over to the bar, taking a seat at one of the stools. Mira came over, smiling cautiously at the murderous blonde.

"Hey, Lucy," She greeted lightly, "How's the Gray situation going?"

Painstakingly slow, the blonde looked up at her. Mirajane blinked. Finally, Lucy spoke.

"Desperate times, Mirajane... Desperate times."

The barmaid stared at her oddly before turning to walk away, but not before Lucy called for a strawberry milkshake.

"And, Mira?" She added quickly.

"Yes?"

"Spike it."

**.**

**.**

Mirajane whistled softly to herself, wiping off the counter, and frowning when she came across a head shaped dent. Honestly, Gray and Natsu almost sucked up the guild's funds as much as Cana's alcoholic tendency's did.

_On the Gray note, I haven't heard from Lucy since she stumbled out of the guild last week, _Mira thought, tutting and shaking her head. She was worried about the blonde Celestial mage, as were the rest of the guild. It was rare someone just disappeared. She left a note on her apartment door saying she was out on an errand, but didn't specify anything.

"I hope she's okay," Mira sighed, turning to toss the dirty cloth in a bin. When she turned back around, she almost screamed.

Lucy was sitting at the bar, staring blankly ahead. To put it bluntly, she looked like shit. Her blonde hair was knotty and unkept. Her eyes had dark circles underneath, and her bottom lip seemed to have a permanent tremble.

"Lucy, what's wrong? Where have you been?" Mirajane gaped, jumping forward and gently grabbing the blonde's arm. Lucy continued to stare ahead.

"I did it." She said blankly.

Mira raised an eyebrow, "Did what?"

Lucy ignored her. "Had to leave Magnolia to get one; don't sell them here."

"Sell _what_?"

"I was wearing gloves when I did it," She continued, head cocking to the side in distant thought. "But I still feel... _dirty_."

"Lucy..." Mira said slowly, a eyes widening in horror, "What did you _do_?"

"He was sleeping, too. Think he would of screamed if he was awake."

"Oh, god!" Mira wailed, hopping back and flailing her arms uselessly, "_What_ in the-"

"It's not the best, but it should do. Gajeel helped me with the last part."

Mira's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. _Lucy_? Friendly, kind, slightly prone to tantrums Lucy? Doing something like... _this_? A shudder wracked the young woman's frame. "_L-L-Lucy-_"

Just then, the guild doors slammed open. Mira could of cried with relief when Gray stormed in, very much alive and very much not murdered by a seemingly psychotic blonde. But her features twisted in confusion at his next outburst.

"Who the _hell_ put a _chastity belt_ on my while I was sleeping, and where the _fuck_ is the _key_."

From the other side of the guild, Gajeel turned around, blinking as an already half eaten key hung from his mouth.

Mirajane was didn't know whether to laugh, leave, or,

"I'm sending you all to a mental asylum."

**:**

**:**

* * *

><p><strong>notes3:<strong> see random person clad in black running up towards you in the middle of the night. smart thing to do: say "Aw, shit." and stand there. oh, Gray...  
><strong>notes4: <strong>don't ask me HOW Lucy overpowered Gray. maybe she's secretly on steroids? i. don't. know.  
><strong>notes5:<strong> i _l-l-luuuuv_ Levy. originally, she wasn't even in this. but, she always sneaks her way in, ne? watch out for the tiny ones; tricky little buggers.  
><strong>notes6:<strong> Mira's OOC. waah. i had trouble writing her.


End file.
